A busy dad can be a good dad
With the change of times and concepts, the work of double-paid parents is busy, and even unilateral assignments have become a trend, but do you know?
Once busy parents are busy for a long time, they can easily become “blind parents”, and miss the important growth key of their children.
According to the statistics of the “Social Development Trend Report of Taiwan Region-Family Life” in the 95th Annual Report of the Comptroller’s Office of the Executive Yuan, the biggest invasion of parents to take care of children under 6 years old is that they do not have enough time to take care, accounting for about 29.
4%, followed by the heavy economic burden, accounting for 22.
In terms of gender, there are more than half (51.
28%) Fathers believe that “not enough time to take care of children” is the biggest leak in parental relationships.
The role of father changes with the growth stage. In the traditional concept, the parent’s responsibilities are always divided into mothers to take care of the house and take care of the children. The role of the father is to support the family and to be a part of the family, but to be a substitute for the mother.
Lin Qipeng, a part-time lecturer at the Department of Social Work at Tunghai University who has studied parenting education for many years, said that the role of the father is only the source of the family’s financial burden, and they play different roles in different stages of the child’s growth, and also play a very important role.
6 years old: The caregiver’s child needs care throughout his life. However, the first 6 years of his life are particularly important. If they can feel the warmth and care of their father, they will usually be able to build relationships with their parents in a way that they feel safe and secure in the future.
Lin Qipeng pointed out that the role of the caretaker can be played by both parents, but if one of them is absent, it will inevitably cause the other party to invade and increase the burden.
12 years old: The ruler Lin Qipeng believes that fathers should set the correct norms for their children, and the most important thing is to face life with confidence.
This role is even more important when the child enters elementary school. Studies have shown that if the father is not around the child during this period, or is too severe, the child will not be affected by the normative functions learned from the father.After graduating, great problems will arise when dealing with authoritarian figures.
18 years old: The father role of the fighter / protector at this stage must be to help children hone their skills. Lin Qipeng said that if the father can be protected by his daughter at this time and continue to participate in her life, she can usually treat herselfAs a woman, I am satisfied with my ability to develop good relationships with men. As a result, my son can gradually mature and not become a “mother’s good son.”
Above 18 years old: When the child enters the adult stage, the spiritual blessing is most needed from the father. Lin Qipeng showed that if the parents do not know how to let go until the child is grown up, the child ‘s solo time will change.Slow, this is one of the main reasons for the social phenomenon that many people of marriageable age are unwilling to get married.
Absence of father?
The symbiotic relationship with the mother is lengthened under the current social model.
The age of 3 is the period when the parent-child attachment relationship is the closest. The mother does occupy more positions than the father. Lin Qipeng said that this has a lot to do with different customs and customs in various places. He uses the movie “Klama vs. Klama” andIn Shanghai, the attitude of male dominance is generally taken as an example. The mother’s pregnancy and nurturing function can’t be replaced by the father. However, as long as other parts are willing to learn, the father can indeed take care of the mother’s work.
In terms of the father’s role as a caregiver, if he can participate in this period in a timely manner, it can eliminate the worry and anxiety caused by the child’s separation from the mother. At the same time, it can also provide children with the characteristics of different gender caregivers.
However, Lin Qipeng is outstanding. In order for family life to be successful, both parents must have the same awareness of parenting responsibilities at the same time. It does have its own difficulties. He said, “Just look at the relatives and friends around you.Yes, everywhere.
“If you really cannot ask the other half to play the role he should play, you must accept it frankly, otherwise” the psychological pressure and torture will make you breathless. ”
What’s more, not all absenteeism has a lasting reason, and some are “not absent from absenteeism.” Lin Qipeng said that if the father is simply busy with work and unable to take care of the family, as long as he has the heart, there are still many ways to produce with the child.Interaction, the most afraid is “not busy, but also help.”
In fact, the impact of the absence of the father is still predictable. Lin Qipeng believes that the biggest impact will be “the future child’s inability to have a symbiotic relationship with the mother, and such a relationship will usually become quite unhealthy.
Impact on daughters: Children who grow up under the condition of distrusting a man will have different manifestations. When a daughter is an adult, she will often become a man with a distrustful attitude, or idealize her father, so that the female traits will develop to a low degree.At the same time, it may affect the age of the object she chooses because she needs the emptiness of her father.
Lin Qipeng said that this can be observed from the fact that when many families are women, a particularly masculine daughter appears.
Impact on the son: If he is not grown up or a big man, as for the son, if the father is absent during his childhood, the relationship between the son and the mother will be too close, making it difficult to get out of the shadow of the mother and become an independent individual.
Lin Qipeng reminded that when such children grow up, they are not too weak and they never grow up; otherwise, they are too mature, they do n’t have a real heart, they do n’t know how to relax, and they become “big men”, which may even affect the future.Relationships and work achievements.